The Bad News about Retention

I am considering holding my 10-year-old daughter back in fifth grade. My husband I are finding that as she gets older the other children in her class are far more mature than she is. I really believe that if she continues on to middle school, it will be detrimental to her. I think having one more year to mature would help her significantly. Her grades are OK, with the exception of a problem area in math. We are also looking into a small private school.
I will be having a conference with her teacher soon to discuss everything. My daughter is against staying back, which is to be expected, but we just want what is best for her. It seems that now is a good time to hold her back while she is still young. Is this the right thing to do? -- Torn Mother
Answer: Your daughter should not be held back just because she is immature, as time does not automatically make children more mature. To become appropriately mature for her age, your child probably needs to have more self-control. She has to learn to stop being ruled by her impulses and desires both at home and at school. Another important aspect of maturity is becoming responsible. This involves accepting personal accountability for one's actions, acquiring good work habits, and becoming a reliable individual. You certainly can and should help your daughter improve her self-control and ability to take responsibility. The child's teacher, counselor and/or school psychologist should have good suggestions on how to do this.
We certainly can't endorse retaining your child. Nearly every study shows it increases the possibility of children dropping out of school and having social and emotional problems. Your daughter's reaction is the same as most students faced with retention. They rate it just behind losing a parent or going blind.
Do jump on fixing your daughter's problems with math. Decide with the teacher how this can best be accomplished. And don't expect retention to improve your child's achievement, as it usually has a negative effect on academic performance.
You are right, the adjustment to middle school can be difficult for children. Your daughter might do better in a K-8 school or a small private one.