How to Help a Perfectionist Child

My third-grader is in the gifted program at his school, but being gifted is no gift for him. He gets great grades but is never happy with them. He even worries about failing. The high standards that he places on himself are unimaginable. Do you have any information that could help me parent this very gifted child? - Need Help
Answer: Being gifted is not the problem. Your son sounds like a perfectionist. He certainly isn't one because he is gifted, even though some gifted children are perfectionists. These children are driven to always do their best, and might worry intensely about making even a tiny mistake.
You are on the right track in wanting to learn more about giftedness; however, you also need to learn how to combat your son's tendency toward perfectionism in order to stop it from causing him so many problems now and later on. Free Spirit Publishing has two helpful books: "The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids," which deals with how to live with gifted children, and "Freeing Our Families From Perfectionism."
We also recommend that you talk to the teachers in the gifted program at your child's school. Besides having insight into how to handle your son's perfectionist behavior, they should have suggestions for books about raising gifted children and the names of local support groups for the parents of gifted children. You should also visit the Web site of the National Association for Gifted Children (www.nagc.org).
If these resources are not helpful, it would be a good idea to talk to a school counselor or psychologist about ways to help your son combat his unhealthy tendencies to be a perfectionist.