Listen to Child about Retention

My daughter and her husband insist that their 12-year-old son be held back another year before entering middle school. They feel the boy is not emotionally ready for this level, and naturally, he is adamantly opposed. It's become a significant source of tension in their household. Would holding him back truly be beneficial? - Baffled Grandmother
Answer: Before your daughter and her husband make a final decision about holding your grandson back in school, they need to get some advice from the professionals at their son's school. In this group are the school psychologist, guidance counselor, school social worker, intervention teams, teachers and the principal. The parents also need to learn a lot more about the effects of retention and the alternatives to it.
The decision to hold your grandson back next year will affect him enormously. Is anyone listening to what he is saying? He does not want to be held back, and we agree with him. Retention is very upsetting to most children, especially older ones. Students actually rate it just behind going blind or losing a parent.
Your grandson's parents need to know that retention is often associated with dropping out later on in high school, significant increases in behavior problems, and increased risk of health-compromising behaviors. It also is not likely to help him catch up academically, if this is part of the reason for retaining the boy.
There are many alternatives to retention. The school district might have an excellent transition program that would prepare your grandson for middle school. There is also the possibility of his skipping this often difficult transition by switching to a K-8 school. If he is having academic problems, special help in the form of tutoring or summer school could be effective. His emotional readiness for middle school might be improved through counseling; especially effective are social groups for children.
Admittedly, many children, especially boys, have problems at the start of middle school because they are not emotionally ready. On the plus side, most learn to cope with the demands made at this level with some help from parents, teachers and loving grandparents.